Beware of the vampire

My name is Jo and I live with an emotional vampire! Yes, one of those mythical creatures who drains every bit of happiness from my life and leaves me deflated.

One of the things that attracted me to gym life, was the way it seemed to help me cope with everyday stresses and strains -including Dracula downstairs. For me, this isn't a relationship of choice nor is it one easily escaped -it is my Mother, the person who is supposed to nurture and cherish me.

I'm not writing this as a pity party, or some public catharsis but in the hopes that if anyone is reading this and realises they are living with a vampire, they might learn to deal with it. My Dad died 18 years ago, by all accounts, my Mums childhood was not a happy one. I don't know if their marriage was a happy and balanced one. Since my Dads death, my Mum has had cancer, so I guess there is some justification for her anger to the world.

Up until recently, I have just tolerated the relationship as it is things have caused me to do some deep soul searching and really review the kind of person I am. I was listening to a podcast when I came across the term emotional vampire, some days later, talking to my brother I discovered this was his perception of her also.

She is angry at the world, and almost begrudges everyone (bar her) any little bit of happiness. It's easy at this juncture to say -walk away! This is my Mum, I cannot do this. No matter how much effort I put in to making her happy, or trying to be loving towards her, it will never be good enough. For a long time, this deeply hurt me and yes there are probably times I have reacted spitefully.

Today I am saying, enough! You cannot hurt me, you cannot feed on my happiness. I will enjoy the efforts I go to, if you are not grateful, that will not diminish my happiness. For all the times you pick at the things that make me happy, I will strive to continue to look for the value in it. More than that, I will look on you with compassion but accept that I cannot help you because you do not want to be helped, this is your choice -when you are ready I will be here.

If you are living with a vampire, learn to recognise it, sometimes it is appropriate to walk away sometimes you cannot for all of those times, inside you lies infinite love and compassion, learn to access it!