What provokes you to anger? Do you enjoy it, do you if someone were to describe your temperament, would they say you are an angry person.
There have been vast periods in my life that I have definitely been ruled by anger. Sometimes I have defined it as righteous anger as if that somehow makes it less destructive. Other times I have been well aware of the inner turmoil and outward stress it has caused me and those around me.
A few years ago, I can't even remember how I heard the teaching that the real root of our anger is the fact we feel one or other of our needs are not being met. Until today that has been something that I have not really acknowledged -though my means of dealing with my own anger have been improving
-I ought to pause here to clear something up -I am not a rage-a-holic. If you met me under most circumstances you would not recognise that I have at times let anger drive me. I do believe that in some ways anger can be a useful energy for social change, but I think it is to our detriment if we do not recognise that selfish nature of anger. Right now, following my daily meditation I am the picture of calm and serenity!
I really felt it was important to recognise aloud (so to speak) the root of anger. A reaction to one of our needs either not being met or being impinged upon. I really want to work through this in my own life -to master my negative emotions and learn to see the root not the symptoms of my own anger. Already I feel I have learnt an important truth that I really want to share with those around me.
If we as humans learn to express our anger properly, how much better will the world become. If instead of raging at the slow moving checkout queue, I learn to take a deep breath and say -people are not deliberately trying to encroach on my time, let me see if I can bring some relief tho the world around me with my demeanor; maybe just maybe I can start changing the world on a daily basis.
Sunday, 23 January 2011
Friday, 14 January 2011
Presenting my five wishes
After a few weeks of refining, here are my five wishes for my life. The fifth and final one came to me today on my way home from work after closing a door. The wording for some is a little clumsy, so please be gentle with me.
1. My life is a success because I am enjoying a life long loving relationship with my soul mate (and we dance together everyday).
2. My life is a success because I am building a business that benefits (myself, my family) my customers, my staff and my community on every level; spiritually, emotionally and physically.
3. My life is a success because I truly appreciate other people in my life and do my best to reflect to them their worth in my dealings with them.
4. My life is a success because I take every opportunity to explore the world around me and learn from its' cultures.
5. My life is a success because I have always strived to live within my means.
I have been living with versions of these for about 4 months now. I have really noticed a change in my outlook on life. I have been happier, more focused and definitely am enjoying the people around me more. Right now, my biggest focus is my first wish -that I would spend the rest of my life with my soulmate. For me, close relationships are the way in which we best live out our humanity. I'll let you know in the fullness of time how things work out with that.
Even now, I am feeling nervous about the direction these will take my life. My own cynicism seems to be trying to block my ways forward and my throat is a little tight, when I try to speak out loud my wishes.
1. My life is a success because I am enjoying a life long loving relationship with my soul mate (and we dance together everyday).
2. My life is a success because I am building a business that benefits (myself, my family) my customers, my staff and my community on every level; spiritually, emotionally and physically.
3. My life is a success because I truly appreciate other people in my life and do my best to reflect to them their worth in my dealings with them.
4. My life is a success because I take every opportunity to explore the world around me and learn from its' cultures.
5. My life is a success because I have always strived to live within my means.
I have been living with versions of these for about 4 months now. I have really noticed a change in my outlook on life. I have been happier, more focused and definitely am enjoying the people around me more. Right now, my biggest focus is my first wish -that I would spend the rest of my life with my soulmate. For me, close relationships are the way in which we best live out our humanity. I'll let you know in the fullness of time how things work out with that.
Even now, I am feeling nervous about the direction these will take my life. My own cynicism seems to be trying to block my ways forward and my throat is a little tight, when I try to speak out loud my wishes.
Saturday, 8 January 2011
Love yourself
You are easy to love! You know yourself inside out, you know your strengths, your weaknesses. The despair at the times you try and fail, the elation at the moments when you leap in to the air and fly. You know every motive, every good deed. If you cannot love yourself, how can you truly love someone else?
Saturday, 1 January 2011
Beware of the vampire
My name is Jo and I live with an emotional vampire! Yes, one of those mythical creatures who drains every bit of happiness from my life and leaves me deflated.
One of the things that attracted me to gym life, was the way it seemed to help me cope with everyday stresses and strains -including Dracula downstairs. For me, this isn't a relationship of choice nor is it one easily escaped -it is my Mother, the person who is supposed to nurture and cherish me.
I'm not writing this as a pity party, or some public catharsis but in the hopes that if anyone is reading this and realises they are living with a vampire, they might learn to deal with it. My Dad died 18 years ago, by all accounts, my Mums childhood was not a happy one. I don't know if their marriage was a happy and balanced one. Since my Dads death, my Mum has had cancer, so I guess there is some justification for her anger to the world.
Up until recently, I have just tolerated the relationship as it is things have caused me to do some deep soul searching and really review the kind of person I am. I was listening to a podcast when I came across the term emotional vampire, some days later, talking to my brother I discovered this was his perception of her also.
She is angry at the world, and almost begrudges everyone (bar her) any little bit of happiness. It's easy at this juncture to say -walk away! This is my Mum, I cannot do this. No matter how much effort I put in to making her happy, or trying to be loving towards her, it will never be good enough. For a long time, this deeply hurt me and yes there are probably times I have reacted spitefully.
Today I am saying, enough! You cannot hurt me, you cannot feed on my happiness. I will enjoy the efforts I go to, if you are not grateful, that will not diminish my happiness. For all the times you pick at the things that make me happy, I will strive to continue to look for the value in it. More than that, I will look on you with compassion but accept that I cannot help you because you do not want to be helped, this is your choice -when you are ready I will be here.
If you are living with a vampire, learn to recognise it, sometimes it is appropriate to walk away sometimes you cannot for all of those times, inside you lies infinite love and compassion, learn to access it!
One of the things that attracted me to gym life, was the way it seemed to help me cope with everyday stresses and strains -including Dracula downstairs. For me, this isn't a relationship of choice nor is it one easily escaped -it is my Mother, the person who is supposed to nurture and cherish me.
I'm not writing this as a pity party, or some public catharsis but in the hopes that if anyone is reading this and realises they are living with a vampire, they might learn to deal with it. My Dad died 18 years ago, by all accounts, my Mums childhood was not a happy one. I don't know if their marriage was a happy and balanced one. Since my Dads death, my Mum has had cancer, so I guess there is some justification for her anger to the world.
Up until recently, I have just tolerated the relationship as it is things have caused me to do some deep soul searching and really review the kind of person I am. I was listening to a podcast when I came across the term emotional vampire, some days later, talking to my brother I discovered this was his perception of her also.
She is angry at the world, and almost begrudges everyone (bar her) any little bit of happiness. It's easy at this juncture to say -walk away! This is my Mum, I cannot do this. No matter how much effort I put in to making her happy, or trying to be loving towards her, it will never be good enough. For a long time, this deeply hurt me and yes there are probably times I have reacted spitefully.
Today I am saying, enough! You cannot hurt me, you cannot feed on my happiness. I will enjoy the efforts I go to, if you are not grateful, that will not diminish my happiness. For all the times you pick at the things that make me happy, I will strive to continue to look for the value in it. More than that, I will look on you with compassion but accept that I cannot help you because you do not want to be helped, this is your choice -when you are ready I will be here.
If you are living with a vampire, learn to recognise it, sometimes it is appropriate to walk away sometimes you cannot for all of those times, inside you lies infinite love and compassion, learn to access it!
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